The Ultimate Guide to valuing your moods, madness and motivation during menopause.
Paying It Forward has come about because I hit menopause.
I was ready to give up everything and retire. But then I had a rethink and decide to value my moods and madness to drive the change I wanted to see. Menopause has motivated me further into wanting to achieve my goal of ‘Turning 7 Billion Ideas into Action – including YOURS!'
"So many women I've talked to see menopause as an ending. But I've discovered this is your moment to reinvent yourself after years of focusing on the needs of everyone else. It's your opportunity to get clear about what matters to you and then to pursue that with all of your energy, time and talent." — Oprah Winfrey”.
It sounds like the famous American chat show host, Oprah Winfrey, came to the same conclusion!
So, why are we so negative about the dreaded menopause?
The word ‘menopause’ has been around for centuries. It is a natural process that happens to women as they get older. But the word itself is often associated with negativity, due to realisation that the body is changing, that we are aging beyond regeneration, and that most societies deem this is another “female problem” which is taboo or should not be discussed in public!
Of course, the mood swings, hot flushes and a whole host of other symptoms do not help either. Nevertheless, it is something most women on the planet must go through, so why are we not taking advantage of it?
I do not intend to run through the symptoms, the phases or the negativity of menopause - Dr Google does a great job of that and of victimising women going through this phase of life. Alternatively, you can also find some fabulous information from other bloggers to help you get through it.
But as always, for anything serious, please consult your doctor or health services.
I also do not intend to cover pharmaceutical nor natural remedies towards addressing some of the symptoms as I am not an expert in either field, but I do suggest that you do the research on the best options for you.
Before launching into some recommendations which have helped me, I would like to bust some menopause myths:
Menopause is not the same for every woman. Each of our bodies are different. There is no one size fits all solution! Be proud of who you are and understand that what your body is going through is natural, and even though it may not feel like it, this phase is temporary.
There is no “woman-of-a-certain age” criteria: Menopause is generally associated with 45–55-year-old women but can start even in 13-year-olds (a rare condition known as Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI)) or can still be showing symptoms as late as age 80.
Menopause does not have to be taken as a negative. Whilst you may experience mood swings or foggy thinking due to hormonal imbalances, accepting and understanding what is happening to you, can be turned to positives. This is not easy I know, but as a woman, menopause is a condition you have to go through, so if you are able to accept it as a positive by training your mind to be focussed on opportunities, you could possibly enjoy “the change” - as it is so often called.
For many women menopause its very serious and debilitating, not to mention lonely.
The sad part is, in many cultures, we don’t feel like we can talk about it, and therefore:
We cannot reach out for help
Others cannot reach out to help us because they are not aware of our situation
I remember walking into a UN meeting in Geneva. It was raining and cold. I had a dress, jacket, coat and scarf on. Everyone was sat with jumpers, as I took off my coat, scarf, jacket and remained in my short-sleeved dress, sweat pouring down my face. I looked up, and simply said to the gentleman (he was an amazing gentleman) “sorry, just hit menopause!”. From the look of the faces on my female colleagues, I was the first person they had heard say it out loud!
I therefore ask, as my call to action, PLEASE TALK ABOUT MENOPAUSE MORE!
Menopause: The Change You Didn't Know You Needed
I was 58 when I started menopause, not sure I even recognised any pre-menopausal symptoms, but I swear the late start is the reason I have very few wrinkles J. (Excuse the self-centred humour!)
The point is, that when I look in the mirror, I don’t see any difference; my heart and soul are still vibrant and energetic; my body has a few more aches but, come on, it has had nearly 60 years of wear and tear; and, whilst the hot flushes drive me mad, they also mean I am saving on heating bills!!
Losing the thickness in my hair has probably been the only thing I am dealing with badly as I cannot find the positive in having hair all over the bathroom floor when I brush it! That said, I notice it is growing back - white!! – “I will be distinguished, not extinguished”, is my positive response!
I will not deny that I have highs and lows in my levels of energy, appetite and moods, but I try to manage them so I live with them as an integral part of my day, trying to value them wherever possible as positives.
I am not paid for recommending this app, but as it has really helped me deal with many of the fluctuations of daily life, including menopause. I have been recommending it to my mentees and friends. The Balance App has improved my sleep, stress, mood, and much more.
Want to try it, too? They're offering a free year to all new members.
In short, when you are able to keep yourself mentally and physically in good shape, an optimal state, the benefits you will be rewarded with are generally a host of new opportunities.
As I said in an earlier blog, you always have TWO CHOICES IN LIFE.
Using “The Change” – to make the change you want to see.
We can reframe menopause is numerous ways so that we can make the most of it:
Menopause is:
A Positive Experience About Embracing the Challenge and Finding the Silver Lining
A Time for Change and A Journey of Transformation
A Time of Self-Discovery and An Opportunity for Growth
A Time to Reflect and Renew
Which benefits of menopause are you going to value?
You can take this slowly - Any transitions in life should be taken one step at a time, which is why we created a blog and a downloadable WORKBOOK on Taking the First Steps to the Life YOU want.
You are no different to me: This was uncharted territory, initially excruciatingly uncomfortable, but when I considered that billions of other women around the world were dealing with it, I decided to “get a grip” and move forward.
Menopause: Dealing with the Changes and Moving Forward
I cannot reiterate enough that women going through menopause, pre-menopause or perimenopause; as women going through menstruation, pregnancy, motherhood, career development – in fact any stage of life – no matter what; are all different and there is no one solution towards dealing with the challenges we all must face.
So, here are some ways that might help you Focus on your future.
Re-evaluate:
Look at your situation, consider your symptoms of menopause and then see where you can make changes to your usual routines, to suit you.
For me, it was about changing the order of my day. With menopause, I am up earlier and with more energy. So, I do my meditation, that helps me clear my head for the day ahead, then already start working. Generally, by lunchtime I have stopped working and go in the garden because I have found that the fresh air significantly improves my well-being, and the soil has an effect on my mood.
My evenings are then spent reading for work, the less serious bits, and relaxing. I make no apologies for going to bed before 10pm (especially in the winter), because the ‘night sweats’ mean I have a disturbed sleep most nights.
Chores? Yes, I have lots of them but I finally saw the light and understood that no one is going to die if the house is not spotless every day or the washing is not done on Monday. My chores fit with my energy now, as do the choice of meals for the family!
It's about being more Focussed and hence more productive, but most importantly it’s about valuing what I am doing, and putting myself first, so that I can then better help others.
Yes, I am able to run my businesses, and my teams, around my agenda – It’s just about communicating with everyone and being honest:
You can always share that you are having a bad day, there is no shame in it!
Recommendation 1: “Me Time” – Look at your schedules, home and work. Consider the impact of menopause on your schedules and see what things are possible to adjust to allow you to be more focussed and more productive when you are doing things.
Grow:
Re-evaluating your diary and planning could highlight opportunities for you to be able to benefit from menopause and challenge yourself to STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
For me, I was, and actually I still am, running multiple businesses. But I wanted to change the conditions by which I was working with my team, including the purpose of what we were doing as a team. By stepping out of my comfort zone by trying something new, I found a new energy and a new momentum.
I could have done this without being in menopause, but my current opportunity arose because menopause made me more anxious, and more aware that life was coming towards its final stages... that being, in the next 50 years! (Menopause is NOT associated with early death!) But suddenly, I can now live without caring about what other people think!
Time is short, and I have a job to do! I am on a mission!
I know Entrepreneurship is not for everyone but please consider, if you wanted to start something new, in any field, what could you do? Entrepreneurship is a “can do” mindset, it is not about starting a business.
Growing also could mean reading more, learning a new language, doing a course or training, taking up a new sport or exercise class - anything that gives you that momentum to get up in the morning and push all the negative symptoms to one side.
Recommendation 2: Get up and get out – Consider what energizes you, not what exhausts you. Doing new things has so many benefits, and it’s the positive feeling which adds value to you as a woman.
Mindset:
Your Mindset is an established set of attitudes or values of a person. For me, your mindset is your frame of mind, which like us, is never the same between two people, and never constant for ourselves.
I believe that by re-evaluating what you are doing, and by putting into practice things that will help you grow, you will also be able to strengthen your mindset to overcome the challenges of menopause. It’s almost like trying to reprogramme yourself.
If you can change the systems and processes by which you operate you can make the change you want to see.
By the way, its gradual – Do not dump everything all in one go. Like me, you have a great deal of learning, knowledge and experience which all has immense value. Changing your mindset is about utilising all your skills and talents to provide yourself with the life you want, despite going through menopause.
When it comes to Menopause: Changing your mindset becomes the catalyst towards making the changes you want to see in your life. There’s no time for excuses!
Recommendation 3: Contradictory to recommendation 2, but in line with recommendation 1 – this is about quality breathing time for you. Find some space for you in your day where you can calm your mind and your body, and just breathe. Then begin to analyse your current mindset. Is this the mindset you love, or one you want to change? What things could you do to change your mindset to be positive, even in challenging times?
Menopause is about you. It is happening to you, and you need to be the one who controls it to get the best out of it
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"You must be the change YOU want to see”
Madi says, “You must be the change YOU want to see – NO EXCUSES!”
Founder Madi Group www.madisharma.org
Founder Women’s Eco-nomic & Social Think Tank www.westtworld.com
Author Madi No Excuses! www.madinoexcuses.com
Entrepreneur, International Speaker, Freelance Journalist
Listed as 1 of apolitical’s 100 Most Influential People in Gender Policy in 2018
@MadiSharma1
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