The Power of Owning Your Story and Using It to Drive Your Success
Everyone has a story, but very few people know how to use it to their advantage. Those that do, often become inspirations to others.
The Foundation, F number 3, of everything we do, and the goals we set ourselves are linked to our personal stories, so it is essential that you value your story.
I started blogging to share my experiences and learning, so that you could grow faster than I had. And whilst I have been sharing how you can become an Entrepreneur and Changemaker, as I have, I realise I haven’t actually shared my story of how and why I became an Entrepreneur.
There are ‘No Excuses!’ and there is a “No Blame Culture” in Madi’s world.
Sounds simple, but it took me a great deal of pain and some very negative experiences to get to where I am today, and to find the right “label” for which I am now known: Madi No Excuses!
So, I am going to do a two-part blog; the first to give a little of my background – and where my passion for change comes from; and the second my story of how I became a Necessity Entrepreneur.
Overcoming Adversity: How Your Story Can Inspire Others
Excuses are something I will not accept from anyone, least of all from myself. So, what was the turning point that made me transform from victim to changemaker?
“A woman, is like a teabag, she doesn’t know her own strength until she is dropped in hot water.”- Eleanor Roosevelt
If I trace back through my past, it was by the sea when my life started to go wrong... sorry... let me rephrase that – I should say that was the point when I started to take control of my own decisions and also to take responsibility for those choices I had made.
My Life, My Destiny, My Responsibility - No Excuses!
So, what was that life-changing moment for me?
Should I marry the man I thought I loved and walk away from my parents, or, have an arranged marriage and possibly miss out on the chance of real love.
“What has this got to do with Entrepreneurship and success?”, I hear you ask – Read on and you will start to see why I have been setting you some of the exercises to define your success.
To make this life-altering decision, I went down to sit on the seashore. I took a blank piece of paper and drew a line in the middle of the paper – ‘reasons for’ on one side, ‘reasons against’ on the other. This was my first experience with the Blank Piece of Paper.
List completed, decision made, (after considering just walking into the sea) I took my chances and moved in with the love of my life, or so I thought...
As I walk down memory lane, I want to take a few steps further back:
At the age of 16 I was set on taking over my father’s company but my dad told me that, “business was no place for a woman.”
Therefore, I had relocated to Portsmouth to do Pharmacy at Portsmouth Polytechnic on the south coast of England. You see, all Indians are meant to be doctors, dentists or pharmacist!
Despite the fact that my mother is Austrian, I had been brought up as a fully-fledged Brahmin Hindu of Indian origin.
So, at the age of 19 I had an ‘arranged marriage’ - I arranged it because my parents cut me off from communicating with them or any other members of my family once I had chosen to be marry the man of my choice.
As a result of the choice made on the seashore, I ended up living the subservient life of a woman who was trapped. Yes, this is exactly where the 9 Dot Exercise comes in!
I was taking care of home and husband and holding down a full-time job in a very sexist and male-dominated environment where women with brains had no opportunities, neither in the home, nor the workplace, and I had got myself into this mess and wasn’t about to admit that I had made a huge mistake.
I had two children and being a ‘stay-at-home’ mum, I very quickly occupied my time supporting the local community. I remember fighting for a new playground for the village children and being elected to the local Parish Council. We needed to raise money for the playground, and to do so I cooked Indian food and provided a three-course meal for over 100 people, which collected over £1000 at one go!
I suppose this was the start of my Entrepreneurial journey.
I really loved what I had managed to achieve, but for some reason my husband could not cope with my success and moved us all to another village where I was isolated.
From my previous success, I recognised that I had a talent. I really enjoyed making people happy and I loved cooking. Hence, I suggested to my husband that I could start a little food business from home.
His response was not entirely unexpected, but nonetheless shocking. I remember his exact words, “You will never be successful in anything you want to do because you are a woman.”
The Role of Vulnerability in Building a Strong Foundation for Success
“A strong man can handle a strong woman. A weak man will say she has an attitude.”
Sonya Parker
At the age of 29, my loving husband put me on the floor and kicked me repeatedly until I couldn’t move. This is where my advocacy to end violence against women came from.
At the age of 29, having been beaten to the point of being unable to move, I found myself incapable of doing anything.
People had told me repeatedly that I was of no value, I had nothing to offer this world. I was useless. I had to make a choice- either lay there and be a victim for the rest of my life or get up and be a change maker.
I had to choose the life I wanted, no one could do it for me.
Needless to say, I left, taking my two small children with me.
And... out of the Chrysalis emerged the beautiful butterfly!
Embracing Your Past: How Your Story Can Shape Your Future
It is my history, above all, that drives me, and keeps me motivated to achieve the success I deserve.
It sits deep inside me and motivates me - to succeed, to support others and never to become a victim of anyone’s abuse however minor in the future.
I have been to the bottom, I have seen the depth of my strength, and that pain will never go nor would I ever wish it to.
I am who I am today because I survived, and now it is my time to create my vision for the world and to leave my legacy.
Owning your story means taking ownership over your life. It means taking responsibility for your situation and facing challenges head on.
How Sharing Your Personal Story Can Help You Achieve Success
What’s your story?
Of course, there are lots of other parts to my story that I have missed out, but I wanted to give you a flavour of how and why I became a Changemaker, and in part two, how these experiences led me to be an Entrepreneur.
We all have stories to tell, and each one of us is the protagonist in our own lives.
Whether we realize it or not, our experiences shape who we are and how we see the world. While it can be easy to get caught up in our daily routines, often forgetting the new horizons we are trying to reach, taking time out to reflect on our personal narratives can be incredibly powerful.
So, that is what I would like you to do:
Reflect on your own story.
When we can make sense of our past, we can better understand our present, and chart a course for the future, the success we deserve and our Absolute Commitment.
So, tell me:
1. What were some of the defining moments in your life?
2. What are the values that guide you?
3. What are your biggest accomplishments?
4. What do you want to be remembered for?
5. How have you faced adversity in your life?
6. What makes you unique?
7. What is your vision for the future?
Your story is the key to your personal brand and we will discuss this, and how you how you market yourself to the world in a future blog.
Remember, like you, your story is unique to you and no one else – it is what makes you stand out from the crowd.
Your story is YOUR story – no one else can tell it for you!
So, take the time to really define your story, what it is, and what it isn’t.
Consider:
· What aspects of your story are the most powerful and how can you use them to your advantage?
· Are you being true to yourself? In telling your story, always be true to yourself and stay authentic to who you are. Manipulated stories will always be uncovered, and when you are sharing your story with others, the emotion is absent when the story is fabricated. (unless you are a great actor!)
· How might you use your story to create change in yourself? Your mindset?
· How can you use your story to inspire others and create positive change in the world, if like me you want to be a Changemaker, or equally if, like me, you want to be an Entrepreneur.
As you grow and change, so does your story. Allow it to evolve over time and don’t be afraid to share the new chapters as they unfold.
And never be afraid to show any vulnerability: It does not demonstrate weakness; it takes courage to tell your story and it is through vulnerability that we can connect with others on a deeper level.
The Importance of Embracing Your Unique Background in Achieving Success
My father was my role model. He came to England from India in 1953 having faced the pains of Partition in 1947 when India was divided into two countries under British rule.
He came with just £3 in his pocket to start a new life in the UK. He began as a coalminer and then a bus driver before starting his own business in the import of fancy goods from India.
This led to a very successful knitwear business with three of his university friends who had joined him in the UK.
The thing I remember most about my father’s business, is that we were asked to work in his factory packing jumpers during our school holidays. The reason was not ‘child labour’, as we used to describe it and as I have heard politicians call it when Asian families prepare their children for reality; the reason was because this was a family business and we were part of the family, so had our responsibilities too.
The ethics of hard work and striving as a team have never left me, nor the respect it taught me for those you work with, especially the employees of a company.
However, the single most important dimension of my life today, that was given to me by my father, was his determination to talk money and business at the dinner table. They were not taboos as in most households, they were the reasons for the success of our household and we were taught early on not to be ashamed of talking more, of having money and of using money to give us the choices in life we wanted. We also understood, that without money we could not help others. …..It’s the same as the oxygen mask, if you cannot breathe, if you do not have money for yourself, then you cannot help others.
Our homework and studies though were the clear focus of my parents and it was often a battle as we were asked to do chores and homework and not see friends. We were taken to ballet lessons, drama, sports activities and we excelled in them all. I went to a great state school, but my real education was gifted to me by the teachings of my parents.
Today, however, I am the ‘stupid one’ of the family as all my sisters have degrees, honours and PhDs. My mother constantly praises the awards of my sisters and I am sure both my parents are waiting for me to get a ‘proper job’.
But then that is my definition of success is not about qualifications, nor money in the bank, it’s that I would not change my life with anyone else on this planet.
And I wouldn’t change my life with anyone else because being an Entrepreneur has provided me the life I chose for myself … but I will tell you about that in Part 2!
For now, consider how your story, your definition of success and the life you want for yourself are all interlinked.
Consider creating your own storyboard:
A storyboard is a tool filmmakers use to plan out their shots, and it can be a helpful way for you to plan out your story and the relevant scenes. To create a storyboard, start by sketching out each scene of your story. For each scene, make a note of what's happening and where it's taking place. Then, start planning out each shot.
Imagine the camera is your audience – what will they see? How much do you want them to see? Is it a close up where you show all your emotions or is it a wide shot?
Once you have your storyboard sketched out, you can start writing your script. A script is simply a description of what's happening in each scene, along with the dialogue that your characters will speak. Its an easy way to get all the aspects of your story aligned ….and you never know, you might be able to sell it to Hollywood!!
Take a good amount of time to think about it. It is an important analysis of where you have come from, and where you want to go to in life.
From Struggle to Success: Good and Bad Experiences Have Value
As a last point, I just want to reiterate that we never forget the experience nor the people, nor their names, when they have had a major effect on our lives, good or bad.
I would not be where I am today without those experience and people. I thank those who did me most harm as they are the ones who made me understand my true strength. It is true that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, making you more resilient for the next chapters in your life.
So, take a negative experience or a positive experience in the same way – they are always learning to strengthen you.
I am not a certified coach, but I am an experienced leader who has been working on personal development and communication for several decades. I don’t bite, and I don’t charge unless I know I can help. All initial conversations are free and confidential.
Gandhi said, “You must be the change YOU want to see”
Madi says, “You must be the change YOU want to see – NO EXCUSES!”
Founder Madi Group www.madisharma.org
Founder Women’s Eco-nomic & Social Think Tank www.westt.eu Author Madi No Excuses! www.madinoexcuses.com Entrepreneur, International Speaker, Freelance Journalist Listed as 1 of apolitical’s 100 Most Influential People in Gender Policy in 2018
@MadiSharma1
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